


Duality

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Gratsu [62]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alvarez Teikoku Hen | Alvarez Empire Arc (Fairy Tail), Angst, Character Death, Choices, Choices and Consquences, Death, Demon Seed, Dragon Seed, E.N.D. - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Sacrifice, Transformation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 00:04:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20751008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: 'Natsu took a deep breath, before pressing a hand to his chest, imaging that he could feel the seeds stirring inside of him. Dragon and Demon.Two sides of a coin.Two sources of power.Two chances to end this war.'Natsu knew that he was human, knew that was the choice that Igneel wanted him to make. To end the war, to protect Gray, to mend what had been broken he made a different one.





	Duality

****

Natsu felt like he was drowning.

It hadn’t been easy during the year he’d spent away from everyone, pouring himself into training and trying to gather every scrap of the magic that Igneel had left behind to forge a weapon that could be used against Zeref. But he’d had a goal, a purpose, and if he was honest, he had used it to hide away from everything. From the grief of watching Igneel fall right in front of his eyes and being unable to do anything to help him, let alone avenge him. From the ache of being away from home and family, he’d still had Happy, but he’d missed Fairy Tail and his friends. He’d missed Gray, and things had still been tense between them when he’d left, the events with Tartaros leaving them unsure of where they stood, exacerbated by their grief.

But he’d kept moving forward, keeping his promise to Igneel and he’d come home. Admittedly it had been nothing like he’d expected, and he’d known even before Lucy had called him on it, that he hadn’t helped by taking off like he had. It had been part of the reason why he’d thrown himself headlong into bringing them back together, not that he could have done any differently, and it had been worth it. Finding Erza and the others, bringing the guild back together even if the building itself had been destroyed. Being Fairy Tail again. It had made it all worthwhile, and for a time that year apart had seemed to melt away.

Things with Gray had still been awkward. It had been like the early days when they’d first started moving from their admittedly rocky friendship to an even rockier relationship, neither of them sure how they were supposed to act around the other. It was why they had fought so often in those early days, because there was a comfort in the familiarity of their rivalry, plus it had been funny to see everyone’s reactions when they had finally announced that they were dating to the guild. But even that was different now, they still bickered, and Natsu had struggled to hide how much it had meant to him when Gray and tussled with him when they were repairing the guild, almost relieved when Erza had cracked down on them before he could become undone in front of everyone.

And then everything had gone downhill…

He had known that he would end up facing Zeref again. Hell, he had prepared for it, but not like this. Not with war coming headlong at their home, their guild, their family. At Gray. Perhaps that was why he had been so reckless, or maybe it had been the moments they had stolen the night before the first Alvarez forces had arrived, finally coming together in a way that he had started to think would never happen again. He had almost forgotten what it had felt like, fire and ice meeting in the middle, tainted by desperation this time, as they’d finally whispered apologies and ‘I missed you’ in between lingering kisses. He’d gone to fight, knowing that Gray was him. That they were together again. Now he wasn’t even sure that was true anymore, because of who he was or rather what he was, still feeling the freezing burn of Gray’s magic, his arms creeping around himself in a self-hug as he remembered the anger, the hatred that had fuelled their fight.

_What if there is nothing to go back to?_

He’d tried not to think it, but now as he stood there, a roaring sound filling his ears as he stared up at Igneel, he couldn’t keep the thought at bay. Not that it mattered he thought dully, eyes dropping to the ground under the weight of his foster-father’s gaze. _I’m dying. _Igneel had said it with such gravity that he knew it wasn’t some horrible joke, and he could feel the truth in his own body. It was a distant awareness, a darkness stirring beyond this strange mindscape that he had found himself in, and for the first time he felt as though he was facing something that he couldn’t fight. This wasn’t something that he could burn through with fire and faith alone, and that was all he had right now.

“Natsu? Natsu!” He jumped at the shout, the impatience behind it telling him that Igneel must’ve been trying to get through to him for a while. It was the same tone he had used whenever Natsu’s lack of attention at his lessons had got a little too much for him to stand, and just as he had as a child, Natsu snapped to attention, blinking up at the Dragon.

“What?” _Haven’t you already told me enough? For once,_ the thought was more bitter than he’d expected it to be, but he couldn’t take it back. The year spent training and putting some distance between what had happened with Tartaros had also given him time to contemplate just what Igneel hadn’t told him. Like the fact that all those years Natsu had spent chasing the slightest rumour about a Fire Dragon had been wasted, and that Igneel had been with him all along. That Igneel had seen him at his lowest, at his most desperate and done nothing. Then there were his more recent discoveries, like the relationship between Zeref…between his brother…and the dragon that had raised him, and it left him more questions than he could ask, and questions that he wasn’t sure that he wanted the answers to.

Igneel’s eyes narrowed, and Natsu wondered if he could hear what he was thinking before dismissing the idea, knowing that it was probably written across his face. “_I can always tell what you’re thinking,” Gray murmured with a laugh, fingers trailing across Natsu’s jaw before he leaned in to kiss him, before tapping the end of his nose. “It’s always written across your face.”_ No, he couldn’t afford to think about Gray right now, and yet his heart didn’t want to listen, especially as it occurred to him that might be the last time that Gray would ever touch him without anger. Instead, he met Igneel’s gaze evenly, refusing to back down, or hide from the questions and doubts he had. After all, what was the point if he was going to die soon?

“I stated that you’ll die as a result of your two seeds combining.” Natsu opened his mouth, ready to point out that he already knew that, feeling as though Igneel was only rubbing salt into the wound at the moment. “So, don’t let them combine. Choose one of them,” Igneel continued, and Natsu’s mouth snapped shut. _Choose? He had a choice?_ Hope blossomed for a moment, but he quickly, ruthlessly suppressed it. If he had a choice then why hadn’t Igneel said something about that earlier? Why had he let Natsu think that this was it? However, his resolve was weakened by the thought that this might give him a way back to Gray, and maybe a chance to make things right with the Ice Mage before it was too late.

If that was even possible.

“Choose how?”

“Think hard and ask yourself what you are,” Igneel replied, reaching out and gently tapping him on the chest, reminding him of the burning sensation that had sent him to his knees when the Fire Dragon had first emerged from him. “A dragon…”

_“Are you really a Dragon-slayer?” Natsu didn’t know what to make of the question or the boy that had asked it. He and Gray Fullbuster had been odds from the moment that Makarov had brought him to Fairy Tail, and no matter how civilly their interactions might start, they always ended in punches being thrown much to the despair of the adults. It was even rarer for the other boy to address him without some insult, and so he wasn’t sure what to make of the genuine curiosity in that question, and he hesitated._

_“Of course, I am,” he replied eventually, lifting a hand and letting his flames curl around his fist, noting how Gray drew back a little. “I learned it from a Dragon!”_

“…or a demon.”

_Natsu was splintering, coming apart at the seams. Lucy was gone. Zeref was taking everything from him, and he wasn’t sure where Gray was, and the darkness inside him was seizing on that grief and fear and twisting it into something new and dangerous._

_Something monstrous._

_ He was still there, even as Gray had blocked his path, but it had been like he was watching from a great distance, his vision blurred with shadows and everything, even his feelings for the mage in front of him twisted into anger. Everything had been coloured by his rage, and he hadn’t been able to fight it. Unable to do anything, but watch as Gray’s expression had changed and shifted, hatred and anger breaking through the doubt, and then rising to meet him when the Ice Mage had fought him. Helpless to do anything but give in to the demon inside him, the anger that was and wasn’t his._

Natsu shook his head. Much of what had happened during that time was a blur, but he remembered enough to feel sick to his stomach at the mention of the demon within him. The monster that could have killed Gray if Erza hadn’t intervened. “_E.N.D. is the most powerful demon I created,” Zeref was smiling as he spoke, as though his words weren’t destroying everything that Natsu had thought he was, and everything he had worked for. “You’ll be forced to make the decision, too. To let live or die. The choice will be yours.”_

He’d already been told he would have to make a choice, but this was bigger than that. He knew even with the grave expression on Igneel’s face that this was a decision that would change everything, and not just whether he lived or died, but how he would live, and what he would be.

_“_Dragon or Demon,” he whispered, glancing down at his hands. He could see echoes of his flames wrapping around his fists, and he could see dark markings creeping up his arms, two sides of the coin. Two sides of him.

_But…_

He was more than that. He was more than a Dragon and a Demon. It wasn’t either of those who had spent so many hours laughing and chatting in the guild, initiating brawls and causing as much chaos as possible. It wasn’t a demon who had snuck into Lucy’s flat so often. Or a Dragon who had gone out to find Macao in the face of Romeo’s tears when he’d been younger. It wasn’t a Dragon or a Demon who had fallen in love with his childhood rival, whose heart quickened every time he caught Gray’s scent, and who was grieving at the thought that he might have lost the Ice Mage for good.

That was Natsu.

Natsu Dragneel.

A Dragon.

A Demon.

A…

“It looks like you’ve found your answer, Natsu,” Igneel rumbled above him, and Natsu hated the pride he could hear in those words because he knew that he was going to disappoint him. Because he had found the answer, and he knew that if he said it aloud if he admitted it, then maybe he would survive this.

_But…_

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, talking not only to Igneel but to Gray and his friends, knowing that what he was about to do would affect them all.

“Natsu?”

“I know who and what I am,” he lifted his head, meeting Igneel’s gaze. _I know what I should say, the one thing you didn’t give me. The one thing that Zeref couldn’t take away from me, and the one thing that might mend things with Gray._ It was also the one thing that wouldn’t give him the power to defeat Zeref, to end the fight that he had continued by going after the man on his own, and he took a deep breath, before pressing a hand to his chest, imaging that he could feel the seeds stirring inside of him. Dragon and Demon.

Two sides of a coin.

Two sources of power. 

Two chances to end this war.

“I’m Natsu Dragneel.” He would always be that, no matter what happened to him after this, no matter what else he was choosing. “And I am both. I am a Dragon.” He let his arms fall back to his side, and focused, flames spluttering into existence, faded in this mindscape of his but there, a soothing warmth against his skin. “And I am a D-Demon.” His voice cracked and broke on the last word, Gray’s furious expression flashing through his mind, just as pain lanced through his chest, and there beneath the flames wreathing his arms he saw the dark marks spreading up his skin.

The pain wasn’t letting up, rising until each breath burned, his heart hammering in his chest. He could feel the seeds clearly now, growing within him, swelling until he wasn’t sure where they ended, and he began. _I’m not going to survive this._ He had told himself that he knew what he was choosing, what he was risking, but as his knees gave way and the flames around his arms turned dark, he realised that he hadn’t had a clue.


End file.
